Honk If You're Airborne
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 Ever since I brought my first car in 1966 it has become obvious to me that someone sneaks out in the middle of the night and attaches airborne stickers to it. I have no idea who commits this dastardly deed and am on the look out for this midnight perpetrator. This individual always adorns the bumper with an 82nd Airborne Division "These Colors Never Run" sticker. The rear of my trunk lid with a 503rd and a 504th regimental crest sticker. And gains access to the car and prominently displays for the world to see parachute wings of one design or another in the rear window .
The thing is I don't get too mad because these coincidentally were my units.
As I or my son who often uses my car tool on down various main arteries and byways of our great land we often have complete strangers blow their horns at us, give us a thumbs up, or a clenched fist raised in the spirit of a kindred soul. Very often when I am parked someone approaches and starts conversations about the airborne and various outfits they served in.
So as I say I don't know who constantly adorns my car as described but I love every minute of it. If you see me or my son passing by....HONK IF YOU"RE AIRBORNE.
Lou Schreiner
A Trooper's ABCs For Jumping Aircraft
First of course one should always darn one's parachute harness double checking that you have a main and a reserve parachute, believe me that is very very important. If you don't have a chute on when you exit an aircraft the landing is very tough on your legs, spinal column, and head.
When you exit the aircraft one must make a strong leap into the prop blast and have a compact body position so as to clear the side of the plane and avoid tumbling. Next make sure you count to four, then check your canopy. It is important to make sure it is fully deployed, no blown panels, etc. Keep an eye on your fellow troopers, watch for mid-air entanglements, and double check that you don't appear to be descending faster then they are or that they appear to be rising above you. Prepare to land, relax and upon landing do your parachute landing fall. See that wasn't hard was it? Most jumps for safety purposes were made at 1250 feet. This gives you 10 seconds to do all you were supposed to, cause if anything is wrong that is all the time you have to correct your problem before you splatter on the ground. Often the height varied depending on the expertise of the crew. A chopper blast was usually 1950 feet because the chute took longer to deploy since there is no prop blast helping the chute to inflate. On Noemfoor Island the 503rd made a combat drop from 175 feet.
Lou Schreiner
 
De Hunnert And Eighty Second Airborne Man
As I have previously mentioned paratroopers often run into characters who used to be but really weren't airborne. A couple of days ago, I met the winner of them all to date. I'm in the local Kmart store standing near the check out counter watching my wife who is on line spending my pension check on assorted have to have items and gnashing my teeth as she does so. A guy says excuse me sir as he approaches with a dolly loaded with cases of coke. I don't know if he worked there or was making a delivery. He gets abreast of me, scopes my tattoo (parachute wings with U.S. Paratrooper still legible) and says "Hey man was you a marine?" I say, "Hell no." He looks again and says, "Hey man, you was a paratrooper?, so was I." I sneer and say"What outfit?" Him,"Hunnert and eighty second airborne." Me sneering even more say, "No kidding." ,in a sarcastic tone. Him, "What outfit were you in?" Me, "Big Eight-Deuce, the 82nd Airborne, my man." Him as he shakes his head, 'Yeah, that's what I meant, I been out 7 years, guess I've been a civilian for too long to mess up like that." Me, "Yeah, sure." Him, "How long you been out?" Me, about 40 years or so, take a hike you lying leg." My wife who has taken all of this in is laughing like a hyena. Wife and I leave she asks me why these guys aggravate me so much. I tell her you will never understand so forget about it.
Lou Schreiner
Never Never Volunteer
Long before I joined the army I often heard my dad and his buddies laughing about how guys got the business for volunteering. Other than the fact that I enlisted for the airborne infantry which is strictly voluntary I always heeded that advice. I had been told or had overheard many of the wily ways the sergeants would get you for a s - - t detail by asking for various volunteers in some of the following ways (some of these that I heard had been told to me by guys who served in WWI, WWII, and Korea). It became blatantly patent to me that the sergeants have a catch all phrase book for snaring volunteers who are naive and it must originate in the AULD AULD AULD ARMY but is probably being used to this day and is updated periodically.
Here are a few.
Anyone a truck driver I need a man. Guy winds up pushing a wheelbarrow.
Anyone know shorthand guy finds out the cook is shorthanded winds up on KP.
Anyone type guy winds up as just the type he needs for the garbage detail.
Anyone a good speller guy winds up spelling someone on an onerous detail.
Another easy way was for the sarge to approach a group of troops and ask anyone named Smith (or Brown or Jones or any other common name) when ever someone with that name answered up he had his detail man or men. Sure enough the guys with common names all of a sudden went deaf when their name was called. It didn't help because then you got more details or a chewing out for not answering up trooper.
By the way I once was told that the term buck private came about due to the following: The old man chews out the lieutenant, he jumps on the topkick, he jumps on his underling nco,s and finally they jump on the squad leader, eventually the private gets it in the ear and since he cannot pass the buck he is the buck private.
Lou Schreiner
When Dinosaurs Roamed Free
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The barracks that once were new were now old. Their jump school had not only been moved but was not the same. The bear pit now had rules where once there were none. The tower had what appeared to be aluminum siding and the graders chair was now made of steel. Where once at 1000 hrs many troopers could be seen, they only saw 5 roaming about, two of which seemed to be supervised by another which made one chuckle for he had often been under the gun in his youth. The museum no longer had a lone C-46 but aircraft that they too had mastered. They drew quite a few looks as they wandered about sporting their 504 baseball caps. One had given his buddy one of his jump boots since his pal had none as a token of his esteem from long ago. They thought mayhap they should each don a boot and leave their other foot unshod, link arms and wander about bumming smokes as a joke but dismissed the idea as unworthy of the tough young troopers they once had been.
Airborne Unto Death
Lou Schreiner & Jerry D. Ray
Fadedville
Gadzooks and ods bodkins how the times have changed no longer was the stomping grounds (literally) of two ancient troopers changed but now they knew it not. Friendly Fayetteville, North Carolina was now as far as they were concerned Fadedville.
This is not meant to deride Fayetteville but merely to note the changes the town had undergone since last they had cockily trod those streets.
Combat alley was no more where many a trooper had engaged in fisticuffs with other troopers, legs, MPs, civilians, and cops. The bus depot where they caught the "Vomit Comet" was history. Where diseased hookers once trod plying their wares was passe.
One trooper upon seeing the train station smiled and recounted to his buddy how in January 1960, he alighted from a train thereat clad in his winter greens, flying saucer squared away, 5th Inf Reg crests and a Bloody Red One divisional insignia on his shoulder asked for directions to the bus depot. As he neared the depot a bunch of guys with white wall hair cuts mocked his attire, one of whom without warning clocked him on the jaw. Several troopers grabbed this lad and the first division leg and one of them loudly proclaimed, "Give the guy a break, he is gonna go to jump school, you can always kick his a-s if he quits."
Such was this soldier's introduction to that band of happy young, go to hell, high spirited brotherhood of merry devil may care paratroopers.
Lou Schreiner
Airborne Charlie Brown
I'm sure throughout the roll calls of the United States Army Airborne there have been many troopers named Charlie Brown but the Charlie Brown I refer to is the one created by Mr. Charles Schultz in the comic strip "Peanuts".
Way back there in the 1960s this strip was voted number one by the GIs.
Deep in my heart over the years in my mind Charlie Brown symbolizes that never quit attitude of the paratrooper. Even as Charlie Brown kept trying to kick that football or win that baseball game so too the troopers kept driving on regardless of how they felt.
I think we all knew that pretty little red-headed girl and were a little in awe of her. All of us knew a Marcie, a Lucie, a Sally, Linus, Pig Pen, and a Schroeder. Good old Snoopy we have all known a dog or two who while he could not equal Snoopy in derring do acted more human than a dog should. Haven't we all waited and wished in our Pumpkin Patch at one time or another. I never lost my fondness for Peanuts and read the strip faithfully. Many people have written tributes to Mr. Schultz and his creation, mine is inadequate but where ever you are sir I think you were the greatest.
Lou Schreiner
Reflections On The Jump That Wasn't
Back in the mists of time, when the wall was put up in Berlin, our unit was alerted and the usual mass confusion and pandemonium took place. Once we were squared away we were issued live ammo and told that this was the real thing. The East Germans and their Kremlin comrades were building a wall to close off Berlin to the west. We were told that an infantry unit was proceeding by truck to reinforce the Berlin garrison and that if the balloon went up, we were to jump into Templehof airfield to fight a delaying action so that the military dependents could be evacuated. The word we were given after being briefed on enemy units was that we could expect 80% casualties.
It was a strange time at best we joked and kidded about who those guys who would buy the farm would be and asked each other for the addresses of their wives, sisters, or sweethearts. Every now and again it would hit home that more then likely any of us might prove to be one of those eight men killed or wounded.
As history has recorded we did not go but I know that each of us would have made that awful jump and done our best just as our forebears had done at Normandy and all of those other drops made in WWII and Korea. I knew that I and my buddies would conquer that fear of the unknown and give a good account of ourselves before heading west. Though we did not go for which I am grateful, it was for me and I'm sure a lot of others the first time in our young lives that we contemplated our demise. I believe as chilling as it was it was a great learning experience for us. As a police officer I faced death on several occasions but it was over before I could think about it whereas for 3 days until they sent us back to Lee Barracks the thought of possible death hung over us like a miasma over the swamps.
Lou Schreiner
The SS Soldier In Frankfurt
Once about ten of my buddies and I wound up off the beaten track in Frankfurt. Usually we did so to get out of the GI area (Dolly Bar, Texas Bar, New York Bar, etc.) so as to avoid the MPs and Politzei who were responding to that area due to our hell raising. Sometimes it was just to explore or sometimes because funds were short and German patronized bars were cheaper.
This particular night we were in a small bierstube and laughing it up about our latest escapade when a German in his fifties or so asked in what sounded like the Kings English if he could buy us a drink. We were taken aback and later when we talked about it we had initially figured he was a homosexual or a pimp but he was neither. He told us he had been in the SS during the war and the French gave him and his comrades a choice death or the French Foreign Legion when they were turned over to them by the Americans who had captured them. He told us of combat in WWII, and in Indo-China, and Algeria. He fought from 1939 to around 1960 he said. We enjoyed his tales and were dumbfounded and alas for him when he got higher than a kite he committed the old error of how we won the war due to material and not our GIs. Several of us convinced him of the error of his ways and though he paid for most of the drinks that night it was all of his blood we spilt.
Lou Schreiner
1st Sergeant Doty Don't Dig Stand Up Landings
All troopers at one time or another tried for a stand up landing, even though it was a good way to wind up in the hospital. I know, I know, sky divers do it all the time but may I point out different chutes, and none of that good doing infantry gear on.
One particular jump I made a stand up landing (my only one by the way and it was unintentional). I had tried many times to make one but no joy.
This one we were jumping somewhere or other in Germany and it was a nice spring day. As I neared mother earth I pulled down mightily on my risers and as my toes touched down I released them, this causes sort of a braking effect. Lo and behold the earth was rather moist and springy and moss covered where I landed and gosh a rootie I made a stand up landing. As I congratulated myself I heard a leonine roar cussing me out every which way and word that ever crossed a man's lips. There he stood BIG BAD TOP DOTY. He chewed me out royally and I shrunk down so small my helmet covered me completely. He gave me three days on KP so as not to forget his behest to me that I not JOHN WAYNE up his #@**^%$#@@* outfit ever again. I did as told naturally and always checked the ground as I came down to make sure top wasn't loitering about but never was able to make another stand up landing.
Someone told me though I don't know the truth of this that BIG D often landed standing up, if so he was a better man than me Charlie Brown.
God Bless you Big D you were the creme de la creme in my book and that of many others.
Lou Schreiner
....PS.....
Command Sergeant Major Raymond B. Doty
Jerry and I are proud to report that former First Sergeant Raymond B. Doty of E Company 1/504 Airborne Battle Group is alive and well enjoying his retirement. Ray reports he did a total of 5 years service in the Republic of South Viet Nam and attained the rank of Command Sergeant Major. Well, done Top and well deserved we might add.
Lou Schreiner
Jumping That C-119 & Other Stuff
I recently got together with my old buddy Jerry D. Ray the former 325 leg who became airborne qualified with us 504 guys. Relax 325 men that is an old joke betwen Jerry and me. In a previous tale I mentioned that the C-119 was paratrooper friendly which it was but it had several unique problems one could encounter when exiting that aircraft. Jerry and I were admiring a photo of a mass drop from 119s and he told me about what happened to Jerry Higgins another 504 man and also a former copper like myself. One time Higgins collided with another trooper shortly after exiting and twice got smacked in the face by an opening chute which caused nice rub burns on his face and hands. This never happened to me but I knew several people it happened to. Primarily I think it was caused by the doors being relativley close together and one exiting straight out and since we did not do individual tap outs after leaving jump school this could readily happen.
Also J.D.Ray pointed out that while at Bragg one did in fact fall at a slower rate of descent at night this was not true in Europe and he is of course right. Shows to go ya that two heads are better than one. Also J.D. told me that on one of our night jumps in France, out he went, counted to four, started to look up to check his canopy and smacked into the ground like a sack of cement. Guess one of the flyboys goofed.
Courtesy of J.D.Ray and Jerry Higgins
Lou Schreiner
We Also Waxed Floors
Shortly after arrival in the land where dwelt those alien life forms known as 504 paratroopers who resided at Lee Barracks, Germany, they coerced this naive young lad to accompany two dozen or so to Wiesbaden. I innocently went along and after several steinhagers and beers they convinced me that we could have a jolly old time beating up the flyboys in one of their hangouts. Since I was on the small size they told me I should enter, case the joint and punch the biggest flyboy in the gasthaus and that would be the signal for them to jump in.
In I go, guy sitting at a table with a schatzi and a brewski, looks pretty big to me. Up I go, pop him a good shot in the jaw (you know the kind that when you connect you know it was damn good), this guy looks at me and starts getting up and is so big I didn't think he'd ever reach his full height of 12 or 13 feet. I look around no troopers in sight, he belts me the rest of the tale was told to me by my buddies. He hit me and i slid completely across the highly polished dance floor out like a light bulb. They had a merry time kicking butt and taking names. Luckily for me when they left they carried me out with them. For many months til they rotated home they would regale one another with a hundred different versions of my having imitated a bowling bowl in an alley knocking down flyboys like ten pins, waxing the floor with my butt, sliding out the door narrowly being missed by a car, etc. etc. etc. But as they say even though it took about three weeks for my teeth to stop wobbling, i grinned and beared it.
My buddies, my pals, the 504 the best damn troopers there ever was.
Lou Schreiner
Airborne Symbols
Many times while sitting around spit shining our jump boots talk would turn to the various symbols that denoted our being Airborne troopers. The argument with the vets over brown versus black boots was always felt to be the proper color dependent upon when one enlisted, although some of them reluctantly opted for black. We all agreed that the khaki overseas hat with the blue infantry piping looked better than the all purpose winter green one, and should be worn with the fore and aft dip by Airborne troops on and off base instead of craftily putting the dips in when on pass or leave. Many of us also agreed that they never should have done away with pocket patches. Also we never understood why they did not let us wear our cloth wings on our fatigues for so long, we felt that since we wore all the other regalia, airborne tabs, and wings on our fatigue caps it should have been a non issue. We all felt berets should be a part of our class A uniform and in talking to the old guys these days we are glad to see this was authorized at last. But why oh why didn't they retain the glider patch insignia somewhere on a troopers uniform? We feel that this was part of our heritage and should be worn to this day.
Lou Schreiner & Jerry D. Ray
The Paratroopers Prayer
Our almighty father who dwelleth in Washington, immersed in Service Records, T.S. Slips, Red Tape & other impedimenta which surroundeth the Army both in times of Peace & in times of War, Hallowed be thy name....Give us this day, our partial pay, & forgive us of our Company Bills, Guide us on the Path of Righteousness by the All-knowing Articles of War, & Rules & Regulations. Approve our Passes & Furloughs, for Thou knowest ours is not an easy lot to bear without leisure time...Deliver us from the hands of Non-Jumping Military Police, for thou knowest our burdens are manifold. Yea, even though by Diverse devices art these yellow-livered Sons of Satans Concubines, these Gutless Washouts from thy Parachute School, after having been thrice beaten about the head with a shot-bag, allowed to don the hated White Cap & Belt of the Ersatz Gestapo they falsely cry that they are thy Chosen Children. We cannot contain ourselves in their presence & Assault & Mayhem shall abound...Guide our pleasure bent footsteps from the lower regions of Sin & Iniquity known locally as Phenix City lest we should go astray & contract certain social uncleanliness which thou so forcefully describeth in thy Sex Hygiene Training Film..Unhook not our static lines, nor yet blow panels in our canopies..Cut not our Break cords, & drift us clear of cactus hill..Strike with relentlessly swift & horrible death the Company Clerk who Redlineth our payroll, & the Mess Sergeant who robbeth our empty bellies. By the ghosts of those who preceded us to the frying pan of the Alabama Area.
WE PRAY THEE....AMEN
Louis G. Schreiner
The Indomitable Eighty-Deuce Man
I recently visited my old parachute jumping buddy Jerry D. Ray and while returning to his house after visiting Fort Bragg and the 82nd Airborne museum, we discussed various legends of the Parachute Infantry and the following came to mind. To be sure of the facts I pulled out a picture taken of one of these stalwart warriors and this is a description of him and what a fellow trooper said.
It was during the Battle of the Bulge, deep snow, this trooper has a grim, tired, yet determined look on his face as he trudges through the snow. He has a growth of whiskers on his face and his teeth are clenched. An M-1 is slung over his right shoulder and in the crook of his left arm is a bazooka. There is a bayonet strapped to his right ankle and on his belt another knife. The belt is that of a Nazi soldier, if you look closely you can see the "Gott Mit Uns" buckle. He has a gas mask on his right hip. A blanket or overcoat is billowing in the wind behind him he is holding it tightly with both hands.
The caption goes like this.
December 24, 1944-"Battle of the Bulge"- - An entire U.S. Armored division was retreating from the Germans in the Ardennes forest when a sergeant in a tank destroyer spotted an American digging a foxhole. The GI, PFC Martin, 325th Glider Infantry Regiment, looked up and asked, "Are you looking for a safe place?" "Yeah," answered the tanker. Well buddy," he drawled, "just pull your vehicle behind me....I'M THE 82ND AIRBORNE, AND THIS IS AS FAR AS THE BASTARDS ARE GOING."
Louis G. Schreiner
 
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