 
A Yank and A Reb
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His Emergency Chute Deployed Perfectly
We Wrote Letters
must start this tale with an apology to anyone that was stung by this stunt. As I grew older I realized it was not a nice thing to do, but at the time it made me and many buddies laugh.
Shortly after arriving in the 504, lying on my bunk, broke, a week until the eagle s - - t, I notice a copy of the magazine 17 lying on a guys bunk. Pick it up read it note all the girls who want pen pals. Commence corresponding, praising their looks, coming home soon, want to see them, falling in love with them by mail, etc. After a bit, write tell them I re-upped won't be home, married a schatzie. Some laughs but not enough. Now pick out the guys, write tell them I am a wac. Other guys do same feminizing our names same yarn to them, falling in love etc. After a bit we send a photo of a trooper (not me) who must remain anonymous unless he owns up himself. He is in boxer shorts, mop over his head, looking over his shoulder, big beaming smile, with his butt stuck out. One of these guys wrote our C.O. who calls me in for a chat. Chews me out something fierce, knew he was mad cause he was a-stuttering like Elmer Fudd. Ah well, such was the way it went at times. Some people have no sense of humor or know the minds of the men in the rear ranks.
Lou Schreiner
Some People Really Hated Us
I met several guys over the years who told me how much they hated troopers. First one, I'm standing on my front stoop home on leave. Landlady's son (called Buddy Boy) sees me and says, "I didn't know you were a damned paratrooper, I hate you guys like crazy." Ask him if he wants to dance. He declines muttering as he brushes past me to visit mommy. Tell him happy birthday as he passes. Find out from my dad that the guy was in Benning in 57 claims a drunken trooper deliberately ran his jeep off the road with a 6x6 which caused him to lose a kidney.
Another time in a bar a drunk starts telling me what a bunch of no-goodniks we are. He is crying (really was) tells me he was a leg in the 76th Tank Battalion, 11th Abn. and that it was 1/3 troopers and 2/3 legs and how the troopers were constantly kicking their butts when they came in drunk from pass. Another guy (in my wife's family) meet him for the first time. Way it happens he is in basement, down the stairs me and future wife go. He sees me descend the stairs after my intended, sees the boots, all the rest as I come into view. Says to her like I don't exist, "Of all the damn things you gotta date a paratrooper?" I ask him what's his problem. Apologizes to me says he had run ins with troopers (he was a leg in the 11th Abn.) I say okay. Years later see him constantly wearing a fatigue jacket, cloth wings, telling jump stories. Would have clocked him but had to maintain the peace.
Lou Schreiner
Grannie Meets The Trooper
This story may not belong here but it amuses me and Jerry tells me I have his okay to write of any and all things under the sun as long as I maintain our decorum. Besides I loved that little old lady who made it 8 months past 100 years of age and was sharp as a tack until the last 5 or 6 months. Here goes like it or not.
First time I meet her I am on leave sporting my uniform natch. There is an engagement party for one of the cousins at this night club. My future top kick introduces me to Grannie who looks at me and in broken English says, You a paratrooper, Rose tells me, you must be very brave. Tell her no not really that I love to fly but wasn't smart enough to be a pilot and though I love flying I am afraid of landing, so I joined the troopers so at least I could fly. She shakes her old gray head (she was maybe 62 or so then) and says you still must be brave.
I thank her. For years she told everyone how brave I must have been. She never believed anyone who told her I was joking and said a nice boy like me wouldn't lie.
Lou Schreiner
Look Ma No Cavities You Too Lieutenant
In Bragg "C" Co. 1/503 I was the platoon armorer. Used to go to arms room after chow, issue what ever weapons had to be issued,then lock the door, remove my jug of rock and rye from the only left handed gas mask we had, have a jolt merely to get rid of that awful taste of S.O.S. you know. New 2nd louie our leader pounds on door, let him in, he chews me out for having door locked inquires if I have been drinking. NOSIR. Inspects every weapon tells me they are dirty (they weren't) gives me an hour to correct this fault. Comes back I haven't touched a one, he looks at light 30 I had broken down, says all weapons still filthy (probably from him handling them) gives me another hour telling me that if they are not STRAC he will have me up in front of the C.O. (sure like I was trembling in my boots) and leaves. I go to my footlocker, get my toothpaste out, smear it on a cleaning patch, run toothpaste down all bores, the M-1s, the carbines, the mgs, and the 45s. Also swab out the bazookas (ah rocket launches with a dose of paste). He comes back checks the pieces out, tells me that is more like it trooper and leaves. I lock door, open rock and rye, put on left handed gas mask, have a jolt or two of booze, put mask on, booze, don mask, booze, fall down drunk and sleep it off. Next day I cleaned the pieces and proudly report to one and all, LOOK MA NO CAVITIES.
Lou Schreiner
Swiboni's Joint
If you have been reading these recollections of mine and J.D. Ray then you have read several references to Swiboni's Joint. If you were in Mainz you probably know it. For those who do not, or if you ever go there, this is how to find it.
Before I draw you this map a word about "Skippy". I only knew him 4 or 5 months then he rotated back home. He was a helluva guy and a tough trooper. I told him when he left that I had wished we could have served together our entire enlistment and he said he felt the same way. Skippy may have been a sgt. at one time, I never asked but when I knew him he was an E-1 or E-2. He had been in a jam with the MPs, those ersatz coppers and had done stockade time. He was making up bad time when I knew him.
This gausthaus could be found if you stood with your back to the train station. Crossed that little park, walked up to the Bavarian Brauhaus, turned right, walked to the corner, made a left, and there it was in the middle of the block on your left. Never bothered to learn the real name, to us it was Swiboni's Joint. He said he was the 1st guy from the 504 to go there. It was small perhaps 12 tables. Great food and that's where I had my 1st steinhager. They didn't charge GI prices. Waitresses loved us cause we all tipped GI style. The owner and customers hated us and we had to pop a few every now and again all the time I was stationed there. Got drunk 1st night I was there and me and 2 other guys staggered out with Skip and us not him mistook a German Politzei for an MP and were going to play catch up for Skippy. He got us back to base before we screwed up. He was "AIRBORNE ALL THE WAY".
Lou Schreiner
More Do You Remember?
Mickey Mouse boots
Standing retreat
The guys who ran indoors as retreat sounded.
How your feet would freeze in the back of a deuce & a half if you were wearing jump boots in the winter.
Your 10 General Orders, the 11th being "To walk my post from flank to flank and salute all b - - t - - ds above my rank.
Those egg cheeseburghers at the PX (no wonder so many of us wound up with high cholesterol).
Nickel night at The Patton Club on base
The Patton Bridge On the Rhine River
Ever see the picture of "Old Blood & Guts" urinating in the Rhine River?
The Lorelei Rock
S.O.S. for breakfast
Steamed C ration cans for chow in the mess hall as the fiscal year ran out
Cleaning the grease trap when on K.P.
Endlessly spit shining your jump boots
Eternally polishing your brass
Cleaning your rifle first when you got in from the field, then yourself
The icy water in the shower by the time you got there
Little post script on spit shined boots, home on leave, in uniform, waiting for my future bride, corner of 10th Ave. and 34th Street, shoe shine man comes over to me says could I please move sir, all of my customers keep asking how come I don't get their shoes to shine like yours. I laugh and he laughs with me, tell him I'll be gone in 10 minutes tops. He says okay all these sob,s must have been 4F or draft dodgers, tells me he was in the triple nickel (555 which was an all black outfit airborne of course) wishes me luck.
Lou Schreiner
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Troopers Superstitious? Nah
Many a trooper carried a good luck charm whilst jumping from aircraft while in fright ( I mean flight - - -always seem to mis-spell flight for some fool reason). They had lucky coins, rabbit feet, (guess they forgot the old saw that it sure as hell wasn't lucky for the rabbit), and some of them carried articles of their loved ones attire. Sometimes these charms helped, sometimes they didn't.
Me I wasn't in the least bit supertitious, merely to make the other guys comfortable with their foibles i carried on every jump the following; a picture of my future wife and a small bible in my left breast pocket, one of her scarves tied about my neck (kelly green I might add) always wore my airborne ring on right hand and a horse shoe ring on my left. Had a stuffed rabbit in my cargo pocket (with Lou written on his chest he was pierced through the chest by a branch once when I made a tree landing I was okay he lost some stuffing I sewed him up though and he was as good as new). In jump school all of these items were craftily hidden about my body.
Superstitions, nah don't believe in them nor did my buddies.
Lou Schreiner
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Night Jumps
Many a fellow trooper and I preferred jumping at night. While it is true that at times they could be more dangerous than a daylight blast, they had a sense of beauty beyond belief. On moon lit nights you could see the stars through your canopy, a sight that must be seen to be believed. Your fellow jumpers were black silhouettes against a slightly brighter backdrop. You fell at a faster rate of descent due to the cooler air. I made 3 night jumps in France and you could always tell when you were getting close to the ground because the smell of human bodily wastes became more evident to your nose the closer to the ground you got. They spread it in their fields. Of course the aircraft were black blobs in the sky but their exhausts stood out clearly to your eye.
The drawback to jumping at night was that black top roads, more so those that were sinuous, could be and sometimes were mistaken for rivers. Many a trooper prepared for a water landing over a road and found out the hard way it wasn't a river. The way you prepare for a water landing is to undo your harness and as you enter the water, you release it so as not to become entangled in it in the water. No need to describe the shock of water being road is there for you non-jumpers?
Lou Schreiner
The Discourteous Courtesy Patrol
It may have been a practice that was institutionalized by 7th Army or then again it may have been Col."Deustche" Mark's idea, but we used to run a 3/4 ton truck nightly usually to Weisbaden, manned by a driver and 2 to 3 NCOs. The idea being if our guys were blasted out of their skulls, fighting or what have you, the Sgts. would tell them get in the truck and we would take them back to base before MPs or Poletzi arrived. I caught this driving duty about 6 times. Class "A" uniform , stand around like a jerk, buddies breaking your boots cause you can't drink on duty, etc.
Except one night the right ncos were given the duty. Off we went to Rudesheim which was not where we should have been but the sergeants had heard about the wine fest that was taking place. Oh glory to the god bacchus. Free wine tasting and music and rowdy GIs. One sgt. saw a kraut he did not like and very rudely punched him out. Since the krauts komrads took exception to this we (the rest of the detail and numerous civilian clad troopers) were forced to punch out many many many krauts. We overloaded the truck and fled into the night, stopped in Mainz had a few more drinks then returned to base. We never heard a word about this so apparently no one notified the military about the incident.
Lou Schreiner
Das Bavarian Brau Haus
If the Bavarian Brau Haus still exists it is directly across the street from the hauptbanhhof (train station) in Mainz. Since I have heard Lee Barracks has been razed to the ground who knows if our watering spots are still there. Actually we were not loved and we were not wanted in the Brau Haus although our money was gladly accepted. After the trooper bit the waitress on her luscious buns we were really not liked. Also once the owner I assume it was figured he would charge us GI prices for our drinks while charging everyone else German prices. After a mini bout of fisticuffs and assorted broken chairs etc., he changed his mind.
Other then the palpable hatred we could sense which moved us not, it was a fun kind of a place. On the right along the wall was a model train that went in and out of papier mache mountains. In the back of the bar was a small band stand that usually had an oompah pah band playing. Overhead there were numerous miniature ski chairs on wires that constantly revolved and criss crossed the area upon which ones beers were placed and snatched by your waitress as they passed by your table. There were numerous pfenig slot machines to be played.
Lou Schreiner
Malfunctions
As any trooper can tell you while malfunctions were not an everyday occurence, one could always count on either experiencing one yourself or observing at least one during a mass jump of men.
They could prove dangerous and sometimes could be the death of you.
There was what we called a streamer or a cigarette roll when the chute did not deploy.
There was a Mae West which was caused by some of the shroud lines deploying over the opened canopy, causing it to partially fold in on itself, resembling a women's bra and since the chute had a 32 foot circumference it was "A Mae West".
If one had a Mae West the emergency procedure was to pull your ripcord on the reserve chute however, you didn't want it to shoot out under the spring loaded tension it was packed by, since this would cause it to wrap around your main, collapsing them both. The idea was to hold one hand over the chute, pull the ripcord, then shake it out like a blanket to inflate it. Usually this did not work and you came in with your Mae West and the reserve wrapped around your legs.
I know Jerry Ray had one and I had it happen to me three times, once in Bragg and twice on night drops in Germany. Twas no fun at all in any way, shape, or form.
Lou Schreiner
Mid Air Entanglements
This was another fun thing that could happen to you when leaping out of an airplane. The notorious mid air entanglement. Usually if both guys were aware that they were about to occupy the same spot in the air, one or both of them could avoid an entanglement by slipping his chute. To slip a chute one would pull down on his risers and try to climb them in the direction he wished to slip. Doing this would cause the chute to partially collapse in the direction you were slipping and cause you to fall a bit faster and go the way you were slipping.
Or if it was too late to slip one would spread eagle so as to avoid getting tangled in the other guys chute. If done correctly you would spring off the other guy. If not and you tangled both of you tried to untangle on the way down.
I knew two troopers who got tangled up on a demonstration jump and the guy on the top was cutting the other guys shroud lines one by one. The word put out to the spectators was that they had agreed to do this. In fact the guy on the bottom told the guy on top that he would kill him if he did not stop. When they landed the guy on the bottom broke one of his legs, he only had 10 or so shroud lines left when he hit. Once he was healed he looked the other guy up and a bloody fight between them ensued. They must of had a fight with each other at least weekly with no official winner.
Lou Schreiner
Walking Off A Chute
Another joy one encountered while jumping was to wind up in a fellow troopers chute. If ond did not remedy this condition the chute of the bottom trooper due to the vacumn effect it had would cause your chute to deflate. This needless to say was not a desired effect you wished to experience more so if you were close to the ground when it happened. The way to beat this event was to pull down on your risers and lift ones legs as high as possible as you walked in a high stepping fashion off the other guys chute. Needless to say both troopers exchanged pleasantries once you got off his canopy prior to which he had called you many an unpleasant name. This happened to me several times, sometimes being the walker off or the one whose chute was walked off.
Lou Schreiner
Airborne Pushers
Hah, got you there. No we were not selling drugs. The pusher was the last trooper out of the plane and his job was to push the stick as fast as he could out of the door (for any non-jumpers reading this a stick is the line of troopers who were jumping. All troopers would be yelling their favorite shouts and they were varied as they made their way to the door. The pusher usually shouting the loudest cursing as he yelled, "Go, Go,Go". It was fun to push the stick both Jerry and I did it several times. One of the reasons the pusher was so eager to see the next to last man get out of his way was because if you were dropping at a short DZ (drop zone) he did not want to miss it. Missing the DZ could depending where you were jumping to cause him to make a tree landing, a blacktop road landing, high power elecric cables, water landings, or you name it. I never knew a trooper though who wanted to give up his pushing slot in the stick. There may have been some but I don't know of any, in fact I knew of many men who as I did also, attempted to buy the pushers slot in one way or another.
Lou Schreiner
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